Grandmother out of line??

Today my stepdad has told me that my grandmother called him up to "let him know that his portion would be 1k-1500". Apparently she has already contacted my other grandmother, my aunt, him, and is planning on contacting my uncle. My stepdad hadn't planned on contributing at all so was completely shocked.....so was I! I had never heard a thing about this or I would have said something to correct her.





She has been so excited because this will be the last wedding out at the farm in her lifetime and has been going crazy researching vendors and making decoration plans, like who will help with flowers. Because of my health the wedding plans are on hold because we may have to postpone. I talked with her about this and she seemed to understand-apparently not.





How do I approach this without hurting her feelings? For one, I don't want her calling up anybody and giving quotes. For another I don't want anything booked or bought without approval.

Grandmother out of line??
Let her know that you appreciate her trying to help give you the "dream wedding", but that you don't want to burden everyone, and that you feel as though you should be the one asking people for help and money, not her, since it is your wedding. Tell her that you want to make the final decisions, because it is your wedding, but offer things she can help you with so she still feels like she is helping. Explain that you don't want her making plans and booking and paying for something that you have already taken care of, and then ending up with two DJ's, catereres, etc. She can accompany you to meetings with the DJ, etc. but that you don't feel she needs to burden herself with doing it all.
Reply:ok, apparently, people didn't "get" your question:)





is there something else that you could kep her occupied with? like the seating chart? not sure if you're having one since it's at a farm?





i would say to her, "i know you mean well, but we really don't want to put so and so out. it's our wedding and we want to be responsible for it. i know you'll understand since there have been so many weddings here!"





ugh. hope that helps a teensy weensy bit:)
Reply:I would elope and do what you want to and then at a later date have a reception at the farm. It is your wedding not hers.
Reply:Why should I know what your talking about? did i miss something?
Reply:Deffinately out of line
Reply:What are you talking about? If this is your wedding tell grammy to back off and that you want to make your own plans Anything else, if you cannot afford or do not want to contribute what she says is your share, you must tell her that too so that she can scale down the plans for what ever this is and let the other hit up relatives know she will be wanting them to cough up more money. Is Grandmother out of line? Yep
Reply:ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I WISH I STILL HAD MY GRANDPARENTS ALIVE SO THAT THEY CAN BE PART OF MY WEDDING!
Reply:Your grandmother has decided that she is your wedding planner and decision maker. You have to talk to her and tell her that you will take care of things with your fiance because you've always wanted to plan your own wedding. Tell her how much you appreciate her and are so grateful that she is willing to be there for you. And that you know that you will need her advice and input as the wedding plans are being made. But that you and your fiance need to be the ones responsible for the wedding plans. And you don't want to ask relatives for money.





Be kind and respectful, yet firm.
Reply:The wedding is up to the bride and groom not anyone else.


I would not give a cent to her.


Its not her wedding.
Reply:First understand that mothers (in this case, grandmother), especially feel the need to help and sometimes control the wedding planning. Keep in mind that most often, they only want the best for you; so their actions come out of love.





Let her know that you appreciate her efforts, but that you and your fiancee have some specific desires about your wedding and explain those to her...from who will pay, to vendors chosen, and final decisions. If there are any areas where you both feel it's ok for her to take over, let her know...it will keep her busy. But also let her know about those areas that you definately want the final say in...i.e. who will pay for the wedding (asking for help in payment), photographer, caterer, dj, etc.





Hope this helps.