Did he step over the line? How do I handle?

Today would have been our 5 year wedding aniversary had we not seperated a year and a half ago. We are trying to be civil and friendly towards eachother because we have children together. He sent me flowers saying happy aniversary, who would have thought we would end up here and signed it love.





He left me a year and a half ago. Dropped me on my head out of nowhere. A stay at home mom with no work experience or education just kicked out like a bum and left to fend for myself and children. I have since tried to be friendly for the sake of the children and for the sake of my sanity (his weekends with the kids give me a much needed break).





How do I handle this? I do not even want to acknoweldge this date anymore.

Did he step over the line? How do I handle?
awww hugs sweetie. You know what, I think you have done great with yourself and the kids but I wish we could decide anything for you but the fact is you are the only one who can decide. Relaxing, deep breathing and seeing what you want in long term will present a clearer picture. It is very possible he may have learnt a lesson through this ordeal. Do what makes you happy! The only thing is if he has learned and wants to become a responsible husband, it would be super for you as well as the kids. I wish you all the best. Be positive and think positive. Peace and Love!





Edit: Mable, Anger is something that will harm you. Its completly okay if you want to move on but then free your heart of the grudge as well and forgive irrespective of how hard it may be. Its hurting you foremost, you cant gain anything out of it either. So rise above it. There is alot more to life. I am sorry to hear what happened. You have done great with the kids, so be happy in yourself.
Reply:My opinion, luv... don't let him know it bothered you... he may pester you like that more, he seems quite the jerk. Completely ignore it, do not reply or comment about it to him or anyone else.





Throw them away, and go forward with your life. When you feel bad, he wins.
Reply:I would just ignore it. Time to move on for both of you guys.
Reply:That's a sarcastic way of reminding you of what you had. He's cruel and unfair. Change the way he picks up the kids. Limit your contact with him and refuse anything from him.
Reply:The sad thing honey is that he probably thinks he has done something nice for you. Some people are insensitive. I think you should just ignore the gesture. Give the flowers to your neighbour... or someone who can appreciate them so that they are not sitting around your house reminding you of him.
Reply:I would just say thank you and leave it at that. Are you officially divorced? If not, I would recommend gettting that done so it'll be over and done with if you want to stay seperated. He may be trying to make amends but I'm not sure.
Reply:He probably was out of line. However I have to disagree with most on here. I dont think he was doing it to be cruel to you or to remind you of what you had. My guess is that he is remembering what HE had and is most likely missing it. This is probably his way of testing the waters to see if there is a chance to get it back. Your reaction to the flowers will be his answer. If you get mushy he'll know he has a chance. If you get angry, he'll see that you still have a strong emotional attachement to him and are unresolved about the relationship. If you stay nuetral and do not do or say anything harsh he will probably realize that you really are emotionally unattached and therefore have no further interest in any relationship with him. Whichever way it goes, the choice is yours. I wish you the best of luck.
Reply:So don't, treat it like any other date. He is just trying to stir up old emotions in you. Don't even acknowledge the day or the flowers. It sounds like you made it through some hard times and are on your feet, good for you!
Reply:Save the flowers, put them in a box and put them in the garage or somewhere hot... so that they get good and rotten.





Then on the anniversery of your divorse/seperation send them back to him via FedEx with either the same note or something very similar. It will get your point accross.
Reply:When I've made bad decisions in the past, or treated people less fairly or kindly than I know they deserved to be treated, I've tried later on to reassure myself that everything is okay, that the deeds are forgotten or forgiven.





Maybe he was acting out of a sense of guilt or apology that he's only just beginning to understand now that he's had enough time to think about the situation -- you know, finally starting to think seriously on where he went wrong as opposed to being trapped in his own selfish version of things -- and is trying to act like everything is okay again in the hopes that you'll agree and alleviate some of his guilt or remorse or something.





With several of my ex girlfriends in years past, I've written valentines day cards or other things like that when I haven't been on good terms in order to sort of alleviate my own conscience. I never realized it at the time, but that's what I was doing. It took a long time for me to realize that, and to understand that forgiveness isn't something you can just expect from people.





If I were you I'd try not to read into your flowers %26amp; note, and instead just take it as a kind gesture. It's definitely a selfish and confusing thing for him to do, but I doubt he meant it maliciously or to manipulate you.
Reply:just take it as a gesture of caring and leave it at that.....if he's expecting some big reaction out of you, he will be disappointed....keep being polite for the kids sake and keep pushing foward with your life. One set of flowers does not erase all the issues you had/have, and he would be silly to think that it would....
Reply:Just politely tell him that you think that the anniversary shouldn't be acknowledged anymore. Don't get nasty, but just let him know that it's nice that he's trying to be friendly, but you think it's time to let it go. He's probably just trying to apologize for his past behavior in his own way %26amp; be nice to you. (Just don't fall for him again. He had his chance %26amp; he blew it.)
Reply:Wow, that is way over the line if you ask me...





Best bet is to write it off and ignore it. He'll likely mention sending the flowers, then tell him what you just told us. You thought it was over the line, the date is one you're trying to forget after the hard times he put you through. Then remind him civility is for the kids.





I received an anniversary card from an ex-wife that said something along the lines of, "Just thought about you with our anniversary approaching, hope everything is well." I set it ablaze and mailed back the ashes with a note, "Don't buy me anniversary cards." I'm a sadistic jerk though. What you're dealing with is 100 times worse than a card.
Reply:I don't think you can blame him for you having no education or work experience.





At any rate, I would just tell him that you want to move on and you would appreciate it if he did not acknowledge that date or anything else that relates to you guys being a couple.





Edit: Believe me, I know how it feels to let a man control your life and then feel like a dumbass later for allowing it to happen. You may have been weak back then, but going through it is probably what made you strong.
Reply:Don't reply back and throw them away, or if it makes you feel better, burn them.
Reply:Don't do anything. Ignore it, if he keeps doing it tell him not to waste his money.
Reply:yes he did


but not all is lost! give those flowers to your new boyfriend! regifting ftw