Was I out of line on Father's Day?

Our 23 yr old son only got his dad a card for today. Him, his wife and daughter live with us because they are having trouble financially right now. My son received a gym membership and a computer game from his wife %26amp; daughter (2yr). I think a book, a hat or something would have been nice for him to givve his dad. I said something to my son and now he's upset with me. Was I wrong? They had flowers delivered to me for Mother's Day.


All I said was I think he should have gotten him something.


Your opinion?

Was I out of line on Father's Day?
a card was nice for financial strain. but id say really greedy for a wife to go spend money for a membership and computer game, probably to keep it in the family for their own use. they are greedy. you had every right to do that.
Reply:Yeah - but the card to his father was from him....the gym membership that he received was NOT from him...really, it is hard to say that he is greedy because he was given something - this is not his fault! Report It

Reply:He should have gotten him something else he knew fathers day was coming. It comes every year around the same time.
Reply:maybe he's low on cash...it's the thought tht counts
Reply:you were right- he should have gotten his father something more since he's 23, and especially since he's staying with you...
Reply:If they are financially troubled then I don't blame just a card but something else would have been more appropriate like buying him dinner tonight. Hope I helped!
Reply:I definitely think he could've done better. Especially since he got a lot of gifts from his own wife and kid. I mean they can't be that broke if his wife can spend that much on him.





And especially since they live with you guys. A little show of gratefulness would've been nice.
Reply:No, your son should have organised a gift, even a small one from himself and his little daughter to her Grandad. This is a little insensitive, especially as you all live under the same roof.
Reply:Did he put anything in the card?





If not I think that that's uncalled for. If I am ever a father and mot son just seems to forget about father's day I think they I will be really hurt.





I don't think that you were out of line at all and the only reason that he got so angry was because he knows that you're right and he probably felt guilty about it prior to you bringing it up.
Reply:I think that fathers day is not about presents. It is about being with them and having a good time together.
Reply:Maybe last month they had a little extra money to send you those flowers and this month their kind of strap for cash, let him make it up on his birthday
Reply:When you are 23 you are not the most thoughtful person in the world.





That comes at an older age, when you start to appreciate your parents.





I am sure he feels like crap about the card, the way you reacted.





Let it go, you stepped it up a notch and went to the defense of your Husband and not his father.
Reply:Well, I bought my father a card and a $10 gift certificate. He did get his dad a card. Some people just don't spend as much money on gifts. It's not the price of a gift or how many gifts people get, he did think of his father. Although, since they do all live with you, it would've been nice for him to do something a little bit extra.
Reply:no your son should have gotten his father something but maybe something happened and you missed it....
Reply:Well It is a little odd that he didn't get something more than a card, even if it was something small like you mentioned. However there are two aspects you might want to look at. First, did his Dad tell him that he didn't want anything in the past. I know my own dad tells us he doesn't want gifts, that its silly...we get him something anyway though, but the point is he might have only been listening to what he was told....


Also, how smart is your son financially? If he recognizes his need to save money than he might be cutting back on even the smallest things such as extra books. His wife on the other hand might not make the wisest decisions and thus the reason for the game and gym membership.





Either way, its nonsense. I understand why you might feel like he should have gotten something but in the end it doesn't matter. Afterall, we can't take it with us, right?
Reply:At the very least it was bad timing. Was your husband disappointed with the lack of a gift? If not, there was no need to comment. If so, then he would be the one to say something to your son eventually but not you.
Reply:I don't think you were out of line, your son should have been able to at least gotten something small besides a card. I'm 19 and I bought my father a DVD box set and a picture frame.
Reply:It depends on what your husband would have wanted. For example some dads might want/appreciate a gift, some might want to do some kind of special activity, etc. Whatever would have made the day special for him is ideally what should have been done. If he really is having financial trouble he could have tried to do something special that didn't involve money.
Reply:they should have gotten Dad a gift. ( I get my in-laws gifts because my husband, THEIR kid is a do nothing when it comes to manners and thinking of others..and I never get a thank you, so I kinda know how all the sides feel...)


Tell your son he needs to do something special for his Dad...
Reply:Yeah it sounds like he is being thrifty, just a card...Does your son and husband have a good relationship?
Reply:You should have said nothing. He may be living in your home but your son is an adult. You can't treat him like he is 16 needing help from mommy what to do for dad on fathers day.
Reply:Males dont worry about gifts. Maybe he was leaving it up to his wife as men do.OR maybe they dont have a good relationship.Either way you were not out of line..Its not to late for your son to do something together with his father if he really wanted to.Its not about giftgiving.
Reply:Maybe trying to explain to your son that if he had been the one to only get a card for fathers day it probably would have hurt his feelings. This day is to show importants to your father and if all your son felt was necessary was a card then maybe he needs to take a look around him. Your son is living with the two of you.."his amazing parents" and I truely believe that he should show a whole lot more thanks for fathers day. There is not much that can be done about it now but it would be nice if your son could open his eyes and see that he has a lot to make up for next year. He in my opinion has no right to get mad with you about it and he is a little old to get upset about something so important...he doesn't have to agree but he could think about it and hopefully use it as a learning expierance.





GOOD LUCK
Reply:Well, it depends on how you look at it. The old saying goes. "It's the thought that counts." But was any thought put into the card, or was it the laswt one left when he ran into the store to grab something? Here is something else to consider: You said that your son and his family are living with you now due to financial reasons. If he has had to move his family into his parents house, does he actually have money to be spending on a hat or something that really carries no more meaning than a card? I don't know the whole situation, but it helps to look at it from different angles.





I can only speak with regard to my own dad's personality, but if I were in a situation where my family had to live with my parents, I am certain that my dad would actually prefer that I save the $ that would be spent on a gift to apply toward my own finances, thus getting me back on my own two feet sooner. Also, as a parent - I cannot imagine expecting an "equal value gift" from a son who I am having to assist financially. In fact - not to step on your toes, but it really seems a little petty to me. YOu mentioned that he did send you flowers on Mothers Day - perhaps because he knew that you would have this type of reaction if you didn't get a "real" gift. Again - not trying to be offensive - just playing devil's advocate so that you can see all sides.





I do not know what kind of relationship your family has. I got a card from mothers day that came with a lot of love. That was more than enough for me - and to me that is what the holiday is about. The holiday was set aside to honor fathers - not just buy them junk. If he shows honor and respect - and appreciation for all that his father does for him, then I should think that is enough.





It is perfectly acceptable for you to be disappointed that your son did not make more of a purchase for your husband on Father's Day. But...it isn't like he forgot the day - it was acknowledged. For that reason, i do think that you crossed a line in saying something to him about it. I would be offended by that.
Reply:As a Father, if my boys get me a card I fine with it, at least they thought of me. My boys are 27 and 24 both working and going to school with a son each of their own, that is gift enough for me. If they give flowers to their Mom that's an ever better gift to me, it tells me I raised good boys.