My BF has placed me 5th in her bridesmaid line up... I feel left out and insignificant. What shoud I do?

My best friend of 6 years is getting married soon and has placed me 5th in her bridesmaid line up, behind her sister (maid of honer) [which is perfectly alright] a cousin who she hasn't seen since she was 17, a girl she doesn't speak to anymore, another distant cousin who is 4 years younger than me. (ME) and then the flower girl.


I know its not my wedding and I know the ceremony has nothing to do with me but, Her maid of honor lives 500 miles away so I'm the one primarily helping her plan the wedding and we are very close.


Should I talk to her about the line up... Does it matter... Can I complain? I feel like some nobody who was just stuck in front of the flower girl be cause they had to put me somewhere and the flower girl is supposed to be last one in line so that's where I got put.

My BF has placed me 5th in her bridesmaid line up... I feel left out and insignificant. What shoud I do?
it sounds like the other bridesmaids are all relatives of some sort? if so she probably feels like she is "supposed to" do it that way. I know as a soon to be bride myself you feel pressure to do everything in the right way. I wouldn't worry about it. Just be happy for her and celebrate the day.
Reply:You should suck it up, smile, and try to have a nice time and make your friend's wedding nice for her.





It isn't all about you...
Reply:Just accept that you are a bridesmaid and don't worry about your placing. At weddings families have to be kept happy and she probably thinks you'll understand because you are her best friend.
Reply:When not in height order, the people in the processional are from least important to most important concluding with the star of the day, the bride. Children are the exception to this rule as they are a fertility symbol and usually kept closest to the bride. This also makes it so she is the only one to walk on the petals, which are another symbol of fertility and prosperity. You are in the most prominent of the BM positions. You are 1st among the BM's assuming that she has them enter and stand to the far sides, filling in closer and closer to where the Bride will stand.





Article on the entrances


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Reply:get over it
Reply:As hard is it may be, be honored you are included. I know someone who had their family dictate who was in the bridal party. If she didn't include them, the family told her they wouldn't pay for anything. When I got married 20 years ago, my Mom wanted my sisters in the bridal party but I was able to change her mind by explaining that my sisters had been out of the house for years (I am the youngest) and I didn't know them nearly as well as the people I chose to stand up with me.
Reply:You friend has so much stress on her right now she probaby does not need another complaint.... but are you sure this is the lineup for the church? We just had a similar situation, the bride never even realized it was a big issue. And was bringing her bridesmaids into the church in a certain way to match them up with certain groomsmen. All changed now to keep feelings from being hurt. It probably was not intentional OR family is telling her what to do. The bridesmaids that do the least, complain the most. Help your friend out. Be quiet.
Reply:I think you're being rather petty. Who cares what place in line you are? She could have left you out entirely if she wanted to (though that wouldn't have been a nice thing to do.) You don't know why she chose that particular line-up... she could have received pressure or advice from her mother or other family. Just because the girl is a "distant cousin" doesn't mean that their mothers aren't very close. A wedding is after all a mostly family event, so you should be happy to have a place on her special occasion. And who says last is insignificant? Ever hear, "save the best for last"?





You know your friend cares about you, and you know that she is a lot closer to you than to her cousins.... so why worry about it?
Reply:If you want to lose your friends then tell her...It doesn't matter where you are in the line up, you are all equal...I did mine with how tall people were, the photos came out better...Just be grateful she asked...
Reply:the lineup doesn't matter as much as the fact you ARE a bridesmaid and a big part of the wedding.


if you want to feel more included offer to help, help and help some more.


maybe in her families' eyes family comes first..... and she didn't want to upset anyone. think about it she could have had all friends stand in..... and you could have been last. but all the FAMILY is there and your the only friend she picked to be in her bridal party.


talk to her if you want, but try to see if from a different perspective.
Reply:place him last on yours and wait for him to ask you why you did that because he will then ask him why he placed you 5th.
Reply:get over it! don't say anything about the lineup...that is totally petty and one of the most ridiculous things i've ever heard.
Reply:Sounds like it's mostly, if not all, of her family that is ahead of you. In some families you are pressured to put family first no matter how close you are to them. It sounds like she may be giving into family pressure than put you further in the line up. You could casually ask her how she came up with the line up. Don't get too upset and don't take it personally. Be glad that she asked you and needs your help to plan this wedding. I wouldn't ask her to bump me up or anything. That seems a little ungrateful and I'm sure she has enough stress as it is.
Reply:yea i feel ya, but really don't take it personal.planning a wedding is stressful and ppl take that line up so serious..am sure she has a good reason she's your bf then you should understand..just be there and swallow your pride right now...gl~ beautiful bridesmaid #5....
Reply:Talk to her, cause that's what best friends do. Let her know how you feel and hopefully you guys will be on good terms once again. Good luck.
Reply:Sadly - some weddings are more about politics and pleasing certain people (parents, etc).





Don't take it personally. Celebrate your friend.
Reply:As someone who has helped plan a few weddings and someone who has been in the same situation as a groomsman, I'll tell you not to look into too much. A lot of times family members will INSIST that the niece/nephew or cousing HAS to be in the wedding for one reason or another. By bringing this problem up to the bride you may cause tension on her wedding day. She might be just as unhappy as you that some of these people HAVE to be standing up at her wedding. Just be honored you're standing up at her wedding. Remember, as much as it may stink to be pushed down in order, it's still her wedding day, not yours.
Reply:it sounds like a case of "behaving in front of strangers". u're close so she must think u wouldn't mind indulging strangers. only talk to her if she hasn't asked the other people..otherwise u'll make things worse. she's obviously very dense. get somebody else to give her a hint, but don't talk to her directly.
Reply:It's not a big deal!! There's many reasons why you were placed where you were.


1) height


2) by who you were matched up with. The other BM/GM don't get along and you're the only one that would 'work' with that person.


3) she trusts you to be 'in charge' of the flower girl


4) if that's the order you're walking into the ceremony then she wants you with her the longest before walking down the aisle.


5) pressure from family to put family first





It's hard to do a bridal party line up, don't take it personally. But since you seem really upset mention it to her.
Reply:I think you have a right to voice your opinion and your feelings. I would think that your BF would appreciate you letting her know how you feel. I think if you do talk to her and she does get upset, just go along with it until the ceremony is over then leave if you want to. She what she does next. Hope you work it out. Take care.
Reply:realize that it isnt about you, its about one of the most important days for your friend.
Reply:Maybe you work best with the last groomsman (as far as height) or maybe, with the exception of the MOH, you're the shortest or tallest. It's just for a few hours. She didn't mean to offend you. Don't complain, or else you might be dropped completely. Also, what's more important, the fact that you are a bridesmaid or the order you walk down the aisle?
Reply:Oh my god!!! NO, it doesn't matter! Consider that she also is coordinating w/the Groomsmen who will stand up with you. Some do it by height. And anyway, WHO CARES?????
Reply:Try to bring it up casually to find out if the line order has any significance.
Reply:Bring a stink bomb to the wedding, let it off right as the ceremony starts...I mean, give it to someone to let it off right as the march begins...that will show the ***** who's boss!
Reply:I don't think it matters. Our line up had nothing to do with what the person meant to us but rather the pairing of the groomsman with the bridesmaid and height. I doubt she meant to slight you. I think you are probably making a lot more out of this than is actually there.
Reply:She's not thinking of you right now, and she shouldn't be. However, if I understand you correctly, you will be the last person to walk down the aisle, except the flower girl and the bride? That is the traditional place of honor, for the maid of honor. She's your best friend, help her have a nice day and don't worry about anything else.
Reply:Maybe she wants you last toleave, last one she sees walk off before she walks down the isle. wants to follow you.


and if anything happens last minute when the 4th bridesmaid is walking down, she wants you to be with her.


seriously though, get over it.


sometimes people dont like you as much as you like them?


im not saying thats the case though.


dont worry!
Reply:Are you serious? It doesn't matter, just don't sleep with her man lol no seriously stop being a baby and DO NOT SAY ANYTHING 2 HER. It's going to be o.k.
Reply:It does not matter in my opinion just be happy for her its her big day.
Reply:i would just be happy to be included. maybe it has to do with the usher u r walking with. of course her sister would be the maid of honor. if not that would be a family feud. i would just ask her in general like "It must be hard to plan the guest list, how do u decide who sits where and with whom etc, then ask how do u decide who walks with who, it's very uncomfortable to walk, sit, and eat with someone u don't know, or someone who is married." it's a tough thing to call. i would just ask don't make an issue out of it it's not worth losing a friend. have a great time enjoy!!!!!!